frail.

Hey Im new to this comm, infact LJ in general!
Im K
19 from england
Im bulimic,

( Read more... )

I ate I lasted until going to asda..
They had some fruit on offer n i ate one of them. Came to a total of 90 calories.

When I got in i ended up having:
Low cal hot chocolate - 37 calories
Gluten Free Shortbread BIscuit - 84 calories
A morrisons xmas cupcake - There is no calorie contents on the packaging.. I'm gonna guestimate is around 150

So 361 calories for a day i was supposed to be fasting.. .GAH!

 I f i had a wish that would be to eat for just a day is to eat whatever and as much as i want and NOT gaining I really want to eat a kinder delice right now!!!!! I had 870 calories today i had chicken and wholgrain bread and a banana and canderel on wholegrainbread again but i wanted to eat kinder for a week now  I WILL NOT EAT IT !!!! heeelpppp!!

2010 will be my most successful year and i don't care if i have to be single to do it. i'm sick and tired of relationships 1) revolving around dinner, 2) getting in the way of my gym time, and 3) limiting my social life. i'm going to call my bf tonight and tell him that i can't make it to his aunt's house for Christmas Eve. i don't see it as time spent with fam, but money wasted in gas (she lives out of town) and food eaten (it's going to be a smorgasbord). i don't even care if he's pissed: i have my own fam to spend time with and i don't want to be around all that food, espec because i can't drink (he doesn't have a car, or a license for that matter so i have to drive us everywhere). the old me is baaack (i.e. i don't put myself in a sit i can't handle just "for something to do") and i liiike it.

i_hope_that
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after losing 4 pounds in 9 days i felt to great. so great, that i indulged in a crap load of sushi. yeah, sushi isn't bad, but when i went home to weigh myself the numbers scared me.

so, i ended up hugging the toilet bowl for about half an hour.

i just want to say that i really enjoy this community. all you guys are amazing, beautiful, and so strong. my friends can't even begin to understand why i do what i do. so it's great to be able to to speak so freely here and not be judged.

:) <3

I've already had 500 cals today and I haven't even gone put to lunch with my bf yet.
Fuckkk.
I'll just order a tossed salad cause I think it has the lowest amount of calories.
I packed my scale in my suitcase... My parents are gonna be suprised to see it once we get to Florida lol.
I would just be happy to gave lost six lbs by the time we get there which is in two daysss.
I especially need to be as little as possible by Friday cause my parents bought me true religion jeans for Christmas : ) good thinspiration there!
Hope you all have a great dayy!
Xx

imagine what it feels like to be thin.
what it feels like to see your collarbones and hipbones stick out beautifully.
what it feels like to always have a flat stomach.
what it feels like to be 90 lbs at 5'8.

and what it feels like for it to be taken away from you.

i have'nt been able to post for a while because i was sent to recovery.i hate recovery.i hate eating.i hate fat.i hate the fat in my body.i hate my body.

now im a whopping 105 lbs.(i think)
i know,i know.
not that much for a 5'8 girl.
but that's not what i see.

i can FEEL it.
the fat.in my body.the weight.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
i need to lose weight.
it's not a desire anymore,it's a need.

Favourite low-cal alcoholic drink?
thankkyouuu (:


Mischa Barton - Ultimate Thinspo

love
x

I've mastered the art of not eating when I'm not hungry.
Also not eating when I am hungry, I suppose.
I don't know. I think my total calorie consumption for the week was about 1220.
I only lost half a pound from yesterday. But it's whatever. I ate a little bit.
Also I realized something about a certain food. I'll post it under a cut.
( oatmeal )

Let's just say it was a major revelation for me.
I have to eat. let's see. five days out of the sixteen we get for winter break.
And only one day (And we all know what that one is) do I have to eat a considerable amount, for everyone will be watching.

fourteen days. eleven and a half pounds.
piece of imaginary cake.

I hope everyone is well. Good luck these holidays. A lot of the posts nowadays make me cry.
We can do this.

I ate 500grams worth of food...and 1.7kgs atleast, worth of liquid. I hate my life so badly.
My best friend was supposed to come tomorrow but she got her flights mixed up and she's comin' on Wednesday so I should be happy cos it gives me more time to lose weight but I'm not. Even though part of me is jumping of joy that I can still fast tomorrow, the other part wishes she was here cos she's my bff, I havn't seen her in almost 4 years. I know I'm gonna b/p like mad while she's around but she knows about my ED so I have to do everything discretely. I told her I stopped but she said she doesn't believe me.
I'm retaining so much water!!!!! I wanna go buy diuretics tomorrow. A REALLY strong kind.
I'm fat, but it's not news
take care every1
xox

So I had a huge blow out with my ex last night.
Haven't slept since.
This stress is kicking my ED into overdrive.
The idea of food disgusts me right now.

I already had a coffee.
Lets see how far I can go without cracking.

Wish me luck.

 First weekend with my parents. It's been HORRIBLE. I didn't binge until last night and today. 5 chicken wings Half a wrap Then today------- I promised I would fast  Of course I didn't. Brownies brownies brownies.  Damn those messed up brownies. Would've been better if my brother didn't ruin them, because then I would KNOW I can't eat them. I know all of you binged this weekend. But did you gain 5 pounds? My Wii Fit told me I was slightly underweight at 103. I got on this morning, it said I was normal at 104. I liked being underweight. My goal is to lose 3 lbs in 2 weeks [goal on the wii] It's not like I can go running since my running shoes are still in NY. Walking and Wii Fit will not kill the massive amounts of food I've eaten. Oh god... the cheese.  The cheese and the wings and the brownies. I like being skinny!  But I'm soooooo hungry. It was so much easier to NOT eat when I was constantly stressed. Now I'm very relaxed and so are my eating inhibitions. I am going to take 2 diet pills here in a minute. And fast tomorrow. And fast for 3 days 5 days. I guess I can't exactly fast because the parents expect me to eat dinner with them. But I'll eat under 300 when I do eat.  I can do this right? I will get to 100 lbs, and from there I will only eat little bits. I will stay strong and controlled.  My vacation is up.  STRONG AND CONTROLLEDI will only binge on Japanese food.  Because you can't really get fat off of that. Just cheese, wings, and brownies. Fuccccckkk, I don't even like that stuff that much! Actually... I love cheese. I love it a lot.

Went shopping today. Jeans that should have fit didn't fit. Hello motivation.

so this weekend i have been basically stuffing my fat fucking failure of a face. it's so gross when i sit here and think about how much i've been eating. and yet, i feel like i can't stop. i just want to keep eating and eating and ugh. but i've decided tonight i will get all my binges over and done with. then at midnight starts the incontrol, and soon-to-be-thin me. i will water fast as long as i can, unless i'm forced to eat. and if i'm forced to eat i will contain it to 500 cals or under. i'm also going to try and run everyday, which should help me lose some of my fatness. i need to be 150 by new years. nine or ten pounds to lose in eleven-ish days. ahh, wish me luck. xx

i was looking at pix of this girl i thought was so gorgeous i wanted to be her so bad!! she looked so thin and had a beautiful face, then i saw her at different angles...and without makeup..... i really dont think i look that bad now...XD wow... i wish there was a real life photoshop so i could instantly get rid of spots of me i hate wouldnt it be great :)

My exgf and I made a pact. We will be lower than our lw by February. ~30lbs each Wish us luck :)

 Hello everyone:D If any of you read my posts early on in the week I was saying I was scared that I had to wear a dress on Saturday for obvious reasons.  In the end my Mum took me shopping because I had NOTHING to wear and I have a OCD about wearing the same thing two times in a row when going to the same place(Anybody else get that lol?). Anyway,I ended up buying a English size 8 skirt. Which is amazing may I add. I also was looking for a coat. And I actually had to go to the person in topshop and say ''Do you have this in a smaller size''. Which was amazing! Because the size 8's everywhere did not fit(English size 8 btw), Anyway, here are some pictures of me on Saturday, Tell me what you think:) x<<Me and my brother,I look bloated on this one:(